This article is classified "Real"
So, what is an Australian Field Researcher doing writing an article
on Austria? Simple, my spelling is lousy, and I thought that I had
a contract to write articles about my home country.
Surface area: Much bigger than you would expect from its perimeter,
due to all the vertical bits. This, along with a
simple law of thermodynamics, explains why the
country is so darn cold.
Population: Around seven million.
Languages: A mangled form of German, with many dialects such as
Styrian, which even other Austrians cannot comprehend.
Capital City: Vienna, home of the famous Spanish Riding school, the
even more famous Viennese Boys Choir, and the still
more famous Wiener Schnitzel.
Major exports: Strauss, Mozart, Adolf Hitler, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Major imports: Everything else
Favourite colour: Austrian Green, a very dark green colour chosen
for its drabness and complete lack of anything eye-catching
Monetary Units: The Schilling. Apparently, Austria wanted to buy
a new currency, and England gave them a cheap deal
on their unwanted currency during decimalisation.
Entertainment: Skiing, skiing, skiing and skiing. In summer, people
tell stories about the skiing they did last winter.
Popular foods: Austria has many good traditional dishes, most of
which were stolen from the Hungarians. The rest
consist mostly of evil-looking sausages, clear
soups with indescribable dumplings bobbing around,
and lots of potatoes and boiled beef. Oh, and of
course, Wiener Schnitzel.
Getting there: Austria borders no less than eight Countries [3], so there
is a lot of choice as to where you enter. Italy usually
proves to be the cheapest if travelling by train. What
it doesn't have is any coastline, making sea-travel tricky.
Getting around: The hitching is good in Austria, the trains are expensive.
Peculiarities: Chris Tann spends his birthday there once every 20 years [1].
[1] The reason for this is as yet unknown [2].
[2] Even to Chris Tann.
[3] Don't believe me? OK, here goes: Italy, Switzerland, Germany,
Liechtenstein, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Slovania, and, um.... OK,
you're right, its only seven.