This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"
Greetings, fellow hitchhiker!
Sweden, the home of the brave (or was that USA?), is situated way up in
the northern wilderness of Scandinavia. Packed between its two neighbors,
Finland and Norway (remember those lovely fjords!), Sweden tries to
maintain a sort of egoistic we-know-best-in-everything attitude towards
everyone else on Terra, but no-one ever takes any notice of them anyway.
One of the things Sweden is famous for (one of the few!) is the Volvo car
(a very primitive form of transportation made out of a lot of heavy metal
which is driven forward by four wheels propelled by a primitive combustion
engine. In fact, the only more primitive invention on Earth is the system of
currency. Just imagine, to use little fragile paper-thingies as currency.
No wonder there are frequent economical crises!).
The very funny inhabitants of Sweden are called Swedes. They are a very
bureaucratical people indeed! One other thing a Swede can't handle is the
booze. They live a dull, grey, bureaucratical life all week and party on
the weekends. And boy, do they party! They have even mounted an expression
called SSIB. This stands for "Supa Skallen I Bitar" which literally means
to drink until your head explodes. This they do frequently (drink booze,
not blow up their heads).
One of their biggest and most used exports is the Absolute Vodka, which
comes in very different flavors. It is not as strong as a Pan Galactic
Gargle Blaster, but more akin to the Super-Quasi Literal Philosophic Tea
(oh! That Super-Quasi Literal Philosophic Tea).
If you are going to be friendly to a Swede... don't waste your time. They
are very afraid of foreigners and aliens. And what ever you do, never tell
them you are from another planet or country! They will immediately examine
if you have the right to be here, or if you are... an illegal alien!
Some things a Swede NEVER does...
* Help a old woman over the street - That is what the Social
Service is for...
* Be friendly to a alien - They are probably criminals
the lot!
* Take help from another - "What! You wanna help me?
What's the catch? Do I have
to pay you? What do YOU
want?"
* Confess - Hey! It's those bloody
foreigners' fault.
It's those kids of today!
Pah! The government is to
blame!